Date: July 14, 2009 01:30 PM Title: Chapter 17
well done hope to see a next one
Author's Response: Thanks! I've started a Three Rivers fic, but only can really do the first river (the tragedy) and realize I'd be making up the characters with no input, but it might be fun...we'll see. I kinda lost interest in this fic a few chapters ago, sorry.
Date: June 19, 2009 02:13 AM Title: Chapter 15
You definitely need to continue this. All this drama is killing me.
These vacations are ending up a bit more stressing for Shane and Jenny than things back at LA.
Hope to see more from you soon! ;)
Author's Response: Well, I got stuck, and then I started writing an episode for t "Three Rivers", but now that I've got your inspiring responses, I'll try to get busy this weekend!
Date: June 18, 2009 10:58 PM Title: Chapter 9
Chapter 8 was wonderful, Shane and Jenny are so cute with kids, I wonder when will they have their own... :)
Back to chapter 9... WOW. Fictional Helena is so nice to Jenny compared to the Helena we get to see on the show.
I'm happy for that, of course. ;)
Anyway, I don't know what else should I tell you, except you have a great fanfiction here, but of course it has some problems in the middle of the lines.
But that's what these reviews are for: so you can be able to evolve your abilities and be an even better writer.
Author's Response: Okay, 'middle of the lines' refers to between lines of dialogue? Your help is so appreciated!
Date: June 18, 2009 10:34 PM Title: Chapter 7
"I don’t know how you were able to get past it so soon, but I am so grateful to you for that."
Touché. I don't understand how could have Jenny moved on so fast, but I definitely do appreciate the gesture, hihi. ;)
This chapter was very good, the writing is getting better, dialogs included, and it's becoming a very enjoyable reading.
*runs to read next chapter*
Author's Response: Hee. Thanks!
Date: June 18, 2009 10:20 PM Title: Chapter 6
This chapter was... GOOD. Hihi :D
I assume you were kinda shy to write a sex scene, from the words you use and lack of detail, but nonetheless this was an amazing scene between Shane and Jenny.
The rest of my comments are still the same for the other chapters.
Author's Response: Thank you so much.
Date: June 18, 2009 09:47 PM Title: Chapter 5
Well, chapter 4 was more from chapter 3, so I didn't want to bother you with another review. :P
But chapter 5... does deserve a review. ;)
Starting with the hot dream sequence and ending with a cute fluffy moment, this chapter was love.
But since not everything is perfect, I still find dialogs kinda shallow, OOC, and basically poorly constructed. Yet, this does not stop me from reading more: Shenny's just too adorable to resist. :P
P.S. I hope you do not mind my multiple reviews, but I know, that I, as a writer, do appreciate them ;)
Author's Response: Wow, this is really very helpful, thanks! I wrote ch 1-9 kind of all at once at the end of season 5, and have been slow to continue ever since. But you are so nice to give these suggestions, now I am inspired to keep trying, so thanks again.
Date: June 18, 2009 09:21 PM Title: Chapter 3
Wow, I'm surprised that Kit even knew how to work with her phone, after what we saw in 6x03! :P
More seriously now, the dialogs are not the best (they're not very fitting in Shane's character, for example) and I don't like the blossoming friendship between Shane and Max very much, but you know how to drag the reader in and just make them want more.
Good work :)
Author's Response: Yeah, I think I agree with you about the OOC stuff. I'm putting myself in Shane's place instead of really getting into what would likely be her own ways and words. Good stuff. This is very helpful, thanks!